Sunday, January 17, 2010

Stupid Happy and tired.

Well I am tired. Happy, sleepy tired. Stupid Happy.

I haven't been getting enough sleep. I have been lying awake, thinking on things and knowing I really should go to sleep. Then I am getting up early because I am excited to see what the new day might bring.

Not today mind you. Today my alarm went off and I just lay there. I am sleepy, tired and happy.

Emotions, sometimes I just want to them to go away. They are always in a state of flux, always present never the same. Sure you can see the patterns, but you can't predict them entirely, to complex to completely follow, subject to change at slightest movement in the smallest variable. Sometimes they overwhelm you and you can feel like you are drowning.

Right now, I have lost my footing and I am being swept away, but it is so nice, completely terrifying, but wonderful all at the same time. Large emotions, completely knock aside sense and reason, with brute force, I can fight it, but there isn't much point.

So, I don't think I will go to the gym today. Today I will take a long bath and do some things around the house. Read the fighter's handbook, think about the college, complete of few chores, tidy my kitchen, maybe even sew a little. Today, I am going to try to slow things down.

Ride it out, not fight. Try not to daydream too much.
It is all so nice and so very scary.

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