False starts.

This week seems to have been a week full of false starts.

This week, I was meant to slowly get back into my gym routine and return to my regular eating pattern, except I didn't really manage to do this.

There was the apple crumble and ice coffee blow out earlier this week, followed by my sausage sizzle and cider blow out, followed by todays date & coconut deliciousness, sigh.

but, it isn't all bad. I have managed to keep quite active. I have been to yoga, a 1 hour light gym session, 1 hour walk and 35 minutes interval training tonight at the gym.

More importantly, after the date and coconut deliciousness, I went to the medical centre where I work. I have to have yearly health check and mandatory vacinations, the process is incredibly thorough and makes me feel like my body is an asset the Army intends to protect. Not a warm cuddly feeling, but I still kind of like it.

and it made me think.

My body is an asset and I should treat it like one.

It is a mind set that works for me, I am not sure it would work for others, but for someone like me, who likes to be practical and finds great personal satisfaction in working hard, I get that I should look after the asset.

So, I have a new mindset and so far it is working. Diet has been great, I put myself to bed for an afternoon nap (because I am getting a cold) and went to the gym tonight to keep myself in shape. I don't find that exercising makes my colds worse, in fact stopping the exercise tends to make the cold worse, so I got a good sweat and enjoyed that endorphin rush.

Now, post work out, I have showered and lathered my body in cocoa butter. Next relax with a good book and herbal tea, yep I know how to treat an asset . :p

Oh and I have a new work out buddy, all I need to do now is get him to join the gym, I am not sure of my chances of getting that one to happen.

Recovered.

Ok, so I am probably still only 90% recovered, but I am recovered enough to feel like my life had been hijacked and I haven't done much for 2 weeks.

University begins on Monday, time to start planning and managing my time. I really need to get this down pat, I have a lot of things fighting for my attention and they are all pretty important.

My priorities, in no particular order are:

• Look after the boys
• Do well at uni
• Keep fit
• Get better at heavy fighting
• Keep up my college Seneschal responsibilities
• Spend time with my significant other. (did I mention I have a significant other?)
• Prepare for festival

So lots of things are competing, I guess the most important would be boys, uni, fitness and new relationship.

Contact hours at uni this semester are going to be a killer with over 24 hours a week in lectures, labs and tutorials. Hopefully this will be less than it first appears, with some labs running fortnightly and the such.

I am going to try getting up early and going to the gym. Previously, I have failed at this, but I am going to give it another try. Friday mornings will have the super fun group kick class at 5.45am, so that should be some motivation.

There are few other classes on at that time, that look like fun and will do well for the cardio portion of my work out. The other 2 - 3 days I will do a resistance session.

This way, my evenings are free for fighter training.

I know I am not overweight, but I still look at pictures of myself and see pudgyness. It isn't just that I am a harsh judge either, I just carry a lot of body fat for my size and weight. Maybe it is genetics or maybe I just need to give myself more time to get there.

Busy schedule, busy life, it doesn't matter, I have things I need to achieve.

Progress.

Recovery is something that needs to be managed.

What I eat needs to managed to only soft and squishy until at least a week after the surgery. Yummy porridge for breakfast and Yay to boyfriends who bring me baby food. :)

What meds I take needs to be managed. I had been given codeine to help with the pain, but I was taking way too much and was suffering from nausea, faint and feeling generally like crap because of it. Dosage is down to none during the day and 1/2 a tablet at night to help me get to sleep.

Now that I am keeping things down, the antibiotics should start to work. I am also trying to take arnica tablets to help with the bruising and probiotics to replace the healthy bacteria, the antibiotics are killing off.

Watch what I do, what I eat, where I go, can I drive? You get the picture. The whole is rather tiring. Not to mention I suck at being a patient, in that I have no patience. None what so ever.

Why does getting better have to hurt and why does the stuff that stops the pain have to make me feel worse?

and I whinge and worst of all, as soon as I feel the remotest bit better, I start doing stuff again.

Yesterday, dye fabric, cut padding, change sheets, fold washing, wash up, make dinner, paint stuff, make lunches, sort washing, general tidy up. Not really a lot, but still more than I should be doing. I can't help it, the house, it needs work.

So new goal, get better. Implement plan get better, which involves rest, more rest and if in doubt rest.

Wisdom teeth

Before

So far, not as bad as I was told.

I do have moments of feeling like complete shit. I am not sure why, but I still reasonably faint.

I want to be doing more, but every time I try I just make things worse. Oh and I look hideous. I don't care what people say, I know ugly & right now I am it.

Exercise, I had hoped to do some light stuff today, but the very short walk I went on left me feeling faint & nauseous for hours so I guess I won't be doing much for awhile.

Eating is annoying and my options are limited, so I guess that won't be an issue.

After

Not really being good.

I am almost eating well, but not really.

I need focus and recommit to my goals. The half a cheese cake located in my fridge is not helping me, neither is the bag of toffees.

A part of me, wants to throw both straight into the bin, where they will no longer tempt me, except it is a huge waste of food and I know the boys will enjoy them.

I just need to remind myself I am not meant to be enjoying them. Will power, I have never really had a lot, instead I rely on tricks to stop me from not eating junk, like just not having anything in the house.

Tomorrow, I will have to fast, so I guess that is a good way to break the cycle. Wisdom teeth begone, it will be awesome to be free from the constant pain and infections. Now I just need to get my neck to stop hurting and I will be a happy camper.

Oh and fighter training was really good tonight.

If I had known.

If I had known how today was going to be, I might not have jumped out of bed with such enthusiasm.

Kids to school: First day back, I always find myself a little nervous sending my kids back to school. What if I have forgotten some crucial item that leads to their social downfall? Getting the right hat, clothes, shoes all so important, in the world of a teenager, luckily not so crucial for the primary schooler.

Kick class: It rocked, I rocked. The class is great fun and I will be doing it again as soon as possible. I love the whole pretending to beat some imaginary foe up.

Check in on Ex: blerg, not happy with stuff, but it doesn't really effect me so why do I care?

Lunch with my sister: Discussion, how to deal with my mum and her not taking her meds. My mum has schizophrenia and she has been progressively getting worse. I would like to pretend that she isn't, but she is.

A plan was thought out and the whole meeting was really productive, but it is hard sometimes to deal with this stuff, harder still when I am dealing with it, with my sister. My sister and I don't have an easy relationship.

Counselling: Lets put it all together shall we. I feel responsible for other peoples happiness. How well is that working for me? Well it isn't. sigh............. especially my sisters happiness.

So a very useful day, but I have opened an emotional can of worms which leaves me feeling very raw. I have some thinking to do.