Working out more

Things have been going great.

Eating better, more time and less stress, really does work. I feel great. I have been to the gym 4 days straight and more importantly I can still walk. I think the full body chinese massage I had on Monday has a lot to do with how well my body has coped with the extra increased frequency.

Not only have I been to the gym, but I have also been training and going for walks with friends. It all adds up.

I get my results on Monday and I feel pretty good about that. So health and study seem to be under control. Pity that my personal life is a complete mess, but at least I am coping well with the mess.

Training

Training has been challenging.

Everything move I make is a considered thought. Sometimes the more I think, the worse I get.

So many things to learn, practise and then apply.

I am not aggressive during training. I have a great deal of respect for the people who take the time to show me things and spend a lot of time listening and being respectful, but not being aggressive. Unlike the young men there I am not showing much bluff and banter, I need time to just internalise, think everything through and get it down pat.

This is fine as long as when the time comes to really compete I draw upon my own agression and don't worry I can be aggressive, I just need to find a way to summon it. Sure be relaxed during training, but for the real thing I need to find that inner confidence.

Confidence is an issue. This isn't something natural or easy for me, but that is why I choose to do it. The best thing is I know that natural ability can be overcome by training. All I have to do is keep doing what I do. Keep turning up, keep my focus and start practising at home and hopefully start believing in myself as a fighter.

It all hinges on training.

On being single.

So there are boys and there are boys. Nice boys, beautiful boys, responsible and reckless.

So many types and styles, I think I understand a little more now why people who are single stay single. How can you choose just one!

Some boys become friends. Some you lock eyes with and lustful thoughts enter your mind. More importantly though, is that sometimes a guy who you never previously had lustful thoughts about can just smile at you once a certain way (or put their head in your lap) and then suddenly there is that spark.

I guess I have been around too long now to mistake that spark for anything more than it is. Love is something else entirely, but that spark can develop into love if it is the right person. Funny thing is that spark is not limited to just the right person. In fact plenty of times we feel that spark for the wrong person.

I have a friend, a boy, a beautiful, smart boy and there was a spark, but I never took it further, because I knew deep down he isn't the right person. A great person, but not for me, my life goals and his are at opposite ends of the spectrum. More importantly, he wouldn't know the difference between a star trek person and a star wars person, or who Minmei or Lisa Hayes are.

The other day he told that he had met someone. He described her to me and she is nothing like me, she is the right kind of person for him and I am not the right kind. I hope he hasn't been feeling insulted by my refusal to act upon the spark between us, but I want both pheromones and a good match. If I had acted he would have missed the opportunity with this girl, tall beautiful and with a similar lifestyle to his. I am very happy for him.

I am enjoying the freedom of not being with someone and right now I have the patience to wait for the right kind of person to come along or perhaps I might suddenly feel that spark for someone I already know.

So, I guess what I am saying is I no longer mistake lust for love, but from my experience there are still lots of girls my age doing just that and boys too. Sure I expect to have to make compromises if or when I meet someone else, but I am who I am and that isn't going to change. I am not going to mould myself into something else because I felt a spark with someone who doesn't really get me.

Unless he is a real life version of Rick Hunter, then all bets are off.

Felt great

First time in a long time going to the gym and sweating hard felt great. Love that endorphin rush.

Heart rate was less insane but still in the high cardio level. I am pleased to say it wasn't scarey 170 and more like 165, although I hit 170 by the end of the work out.

Other projects are coming along nicely. I finished taking in a dress. I can't say I am hugely proud of the result, but it will work and gives me at least one more piece of garb to wear to events.

I might do a bit of training with my new shield and sword tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

No more exams

Today I finished my last exam, for the year.

Tomorrow I can move fitness and health higher up on my priority list, which coincides with the arrival of the lite n'easy food. I am curious how well it will go as I am not going to be able to eat it every day. I am going camping on the weekend.

Still I want to make good food choices while I am away. Just because I am on lite n' easy doesn't mean I have to forget everything I have learnt about what I should be eating.

More focus on exercise, more on training and more on doing stuff for me because it is what I want and yes being fit is something I want.

My results are out on the 30th of November. For someone like me the results are what it is all about and yes the destination is what drives the journey. Sometimes the journey is boring and requires hardwork. Sometimes the journey is exciting, but best of all is where I end up. It is the path less traveled which leads to the most exciting adventures.

Everyone else lines up for the quick thrills, I am after long term rewards.

:)

Plan did not work

My plan to increase the number of times I attend the gym did not work. I blame it on being too busy with exams and having an infected tooth.

So the tooth is better now and I am a few days into a new plan, which seems to be working well. I did one day on 2 days to recover, then 2 days on, 2 days to recover, 3 on, 2 to recover, etc until I reach 5 days with the weekend off.

I am not pushing for personal bests while I increase the frequency.

Also, I am going to try lite n'easy and see if I can lose a few more kilo's. I am worried it might back fire and just cause my metabolism to slow down, but if I am honest I am happier if I am a few more kilos lighter. Anyway I will see how it goes.

One more exam then I am done for year. Well got to go, the gym beckons.

In less than 2 weeks

Exams will be over and I can organise my life exactly as I like.

Oh and I have an infected wisdom tooth, one of the things I shall organise is the removal of such teeth.

Eating has been terrible. Hopefully I will feel more like myself soon.

Heat and Exhaustion.

It was hot today and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym especially in the early afternoon, but it was my only opportunity.

So, I made a deal with myself, go to the gym ,but I didn't have to go full out. In fact, I am not sure I would have been able to go full out. Heart Rate 174, this is very high for a 36 year old. My shirt was soaked with sweat and I felt very dizzy.

Still work out has been completed. Elliptical machine, random, level 7, 20 minutes.

Afterward I went to fighter training. Unfortunately my forearm is not currently talking to me. It has never had so much abuse before. Even typing this is tiring.

I plan to go to another fighter training session tomorrow. I might not be able to lift the sword, but it will be last chance to go for awhile.

Oh and I have my own sword! It has been taped a subtle red and gold colour, so as to blend with my tabbard, well once I have a tabbard.

Yeah, my body is pretty darn exhausted, on top of this I also walked several km's today. It feels great to feel so physically depleted. I will sleep well and eat well and tomorrow do it all again.

Changing my name

Well actually going back to my old online handle. So Kara no more Javaira it is.

Sometimes.

It is important to note that sometimes I cry.