Failed at gym

Today I planned to go to the gym, but rather than do it first thing, as I normally do. I decided to do it after I got a few other chores done.

Of course by the time I had finished running around, it was 2pm and then I procrastinated the day away until now.

At least I have fighter training tonight. I feel bad, the weekend was full of chocolate indulgence and I missed my yoga session. Now I have missed the gym.

Tomorrow, I have a 9.30 am kick class which should be awesome. It will be my first time at this class.

I also have a counselling session tomorrow and I really should put some thought into what I need to talk about. I have been a bit teary the last few days. There is something being processed in my brain.

Tomorrow the boys go back to school and at least I have all their stuff ready and labelled. So, I could argue that missing gym was for a good cause, but I could have done both. Just slack. Everytime I slack off, it effects the way I feel about myself. I am feeling rather unlovely today. My tummy feels fat, my arms look pludgy ( at least to me) and OMG look at all that celluite.

There is a balance between motivated with out being so hard on myself. I just haven't found it yet.

Oh well things to do. I really need to work on my defense tonight. I'll let you know how the kick class goes.

Today.

Well my reason for a late night pig out was confirmed today.

Definitely, feel less strong at this time of the month.

I did my usual step class today. It nearly killed me and yet at the same time, I really really enjoyed it.

I read about these people who are doing hard core personal training sessions and I wonder why PT's need to push people's limits so much.

Sure, I am all for pushing past your limit occasionally, but you can't do that everyday of every week. You will break your body or your spirit. Once in a while just to prove to yourself that you are stronger than you thought, but every time you step in the gym?

I have made changes that will last my life time. I did it slowly and gradually. With slow, gradual and healthy results. I can maintain this level of commitment and this rate of improvement. If I tried to go too much harder, I don't think I would maintain it.

No exercise tomorrow. Sunday, yoga and fighter training.

I love life.

opps

Late night pig out.

Either I need to re establish good eating patterns or I heading into that time of the month. This could be interesting.

Surveyors' expedition

So my weekend went like this,

Friday afternoon I am collected from my house by my friends who are also keen to make the trek to Cairnfiall or Ballarat for those not familiar with SCA terminology.

My job, bring air freshener, music and keep the driver awake. I succeed at all 3 and we arrive safely at 11.30 pm. My plan on long car trips is to stay alive, if this means eating loads of sugar and high fat food, so be it. I would prefer to be alive, than be a skinny corpse.

I did enjoy not having to think about what I eat, except as to how much energy it would give me.

We promptly get started putting up our tents. A little difficult in the dark, but with so many helpful hands holding lanterns and offering hammers, it was completed in nearly no time.

My driver, understandably hit the hay, I on the other hand went to be social and joined the crowd in the beer garden, all gathered around the camp not fire. (bloody fire restrictions)

By 12.30am I was ready to sleep, but of course had the usual, not in my bed, can't really sleep properly problems.

The next morning, I awoke at some god forsaken hour needing to go to the bathroom, as is to be expected at any camping event. I then spent a good 15 minutes trying to decide if I really really wanted to get up in the cold morning air, just to empty my bladder. As always my bladder won the argument.

Breakfast was everything someone readying for a day of fighting could ask for. The best thing about breakfast though was the company. It seems that an old friend and his wife were attending the event as well. This completely made my day.

Starting at a rather leisurely hour, was the War. 3 different scenarios run a few times, usually with sides swapping roles, just for the fun of it.

There was a story line, but I don't remember it well enough to relate back to you. The first scenario was in a forest and our objective was to have a single person reach the hill top behind our opponents. We weren't particularly good at this scenario.

Our offense not quite determined enough to reach the hill top position. In defense a fatal error was made. As the attackers approached, we had assumed they would engage, instead a mad dash was made for the hill top. I am really not used to running in armor. The usual giant push off for near instant acceleration is a really bad idea. My gluteus maximus complained sorely after this and for the rest of the day.

The second scenario was a ford and this worked better for us. Our main problem was dealing with the pole man, which our archers dealt with nicely. Or on the 2nd try I dealt with as he made a charge through 4 of us, killing all but me.

The 3rd scenario required us to set fire to the defenders campsite. This one was fun, although I did get a bit confused near the end because I had run out of opponents and wasn't dead yet.

This was a pretty small event, that didn't go too long. Time between scenarios was short and things moved forward at a great pace. All in all a great starter war.

The afternoon was pas de arms. I was terrible. I had fun. I did though spend too much time in armor not fighting. Standing around in the heat, in armor, is not fun. Fighting is fun. I developed a slight headache and decided not to push it. I still had tomorrow to go.

On the other hand, the friend who drove me there, beat almost all comers and when challenged to fight all comers at once, managed to win that bout as well.

Being at a lose end, I went to the kitchen to help, chop and prepare food. Getting in good favor with the kitchen staff is always a good idea.

That night I ate at a delicous feast, with great company and felt extremely welcome.

Helping with the washing up, arghhh, so many pots, but still, everybody has to do their bit.

Again, chatting in the beer garden, listening to people sing. Oh yeah, I love a bardic circle, not that I know any of the songs or can sing.

Sleep, was another cold, uncomfortable night.

Sunday:

Breakfast : Pancakes!!

I packed up all my stuff, except my armor ready to leave as soon as possible.

Sunday afternoon was the rose tourney. The victor of each bout can choose to whom a flower is bestowed upon. I did not get to bestow any flowers, but I did manage to kill an opponent. Unfortunately it was a best of three, my second bout with him was a double kill and he then killed me twice soundly. Still I killed someone.

Ok, it was mostly a fluke shot. I was absolutely amazed as I watched my sword be behind the shield and no longer in front of it. How the hell did I do that?

I went on to have 2 more double kills. I have to say I am completely chuffed. Actually killing someone, anyone, was something I wasn't expecting to do for months.

Armor was then packed. No shit there I was conversations held, waiting for my second friend to finish his archery shoot, early dinner collected from my friends in the kitchen and we were back in the car on our very long way back home.

It was an awesome weekend and I recommend that anyone interested makes the trip. I will be back next year. I think I have promised to be back and to be better.

I am authorised

All this fighter training was leading to the goal of being authorised.

Last Tuesday I achieved this goal. Authorising means I know enough to make informed decisions about my safety and not be a danger to others.

So now I am authorised I can play this game properly. Today I am off to war.

War in the SCA, is a team sport. Most of my training has been so far one combatant against another and I tend to think of tourney fighting while I am training.

War, on the other hand is where one army lines up against another and we try to kill each other. All the usual team sport benefits apply. Working together, communication, tactics and probably best of all, camaraderie.

This will be my first war as a heavy fighter. Lets hope I don't stuff up to badly.

I'll keep you updated.

I haven't done much other exercise this week, other than a pool session with my Mum and training. My plan is to get back into the regular swing of things by Wednesday. I am going to give myself 2 days to recover from the weekend. Maybe hit the gym for a light cardio session on Tuesday.

My brain is slowly adjusting to the in rush of hormones and I am settling into a new stage of my life. All pretty exciting really.

Stupid Happy and tired.

Well I am tired. Happy, sleepy tired. Stupid Happy.

I haven't been getting enough sleep. I have been lying awake, thinking on things and knowing I really should go to sleep. Then I am getting up early because I am excited to see what the new day might bring.

Not today mind you. Today my alarm went off and I just lay there. I am sleepy, tired and happy.

Emotions, sometimes I just want to them to go away. They are always in a state of flux, always present never the same. Sure you can see the patterns, but you can't predict them entirely, to complex to completely follow, subject to change at slightest movement in the smallest variable. Sometimes they overwhelm you and you can feel like you are drowning.

Right now, I have lost my footing and I am being swept away, but it is so nice, completely terrifying, but wonderful all at the same time. Large emotions, completely knock aside sense and reason, with brute force, I can fight it, but there isn't much point.

So, I don't think I will go to the gym today. Today I will take a long bath and do some things around the house. Read the fighter's handbook, think about the college, complete of few chores, tidy my kitchen, maybe even sew a little. Today, I am going to try to slow things down.

Ride it out, not fight. Try not to daydream too much.

It is all so nice and so very scary.

Training was really really really good.

I am a bit too tired to go into details, but I am very happy right now.

My sword

My sword has been planed, shortened, hand grip adjusted and thanks to a friend had the basket hilt replaced.

It is now significantly lighter, but I still tire quickly. Nothing that a bit of practice won't fix.

I love my sword. :) I love my shield

and the rest of my armor is working pretty well, as well. Now, all I need is a helm. Easier said than done.

I need to read the combat rules because very soon I will be authorised. Yay excitement.

I weighed myself today, 55.8 kgs. Crazy, I have lost weight. I blame it on stress.

I am loving going to the gym, always a good feeling. Today is a good day. I should read the combat rules, but I am in the mood for sewing. Later tonight I am going to a friends house to work on some stuff in the armored rose. A book dedicated to the female heavy fighter.

I am a bit skeptical. Sure men and women are different, significantly, but different men can be significantly different. Different body types, different attitudes. I don't think there is any one single right way. Your body, is individual. I listen to all advice, but the best advice I have had so far. "If it hurts you are doing it wrong".

Listen to your body. Sure maybe I might not have 100% correct technique, but I plan to do this sport with out injuring myself and if my body protests (you know real pain not muscle exhaustion pain) I won't do it that way.

This has got to be true for all people, male or female. Still it is all knowledge and knowledge is useful. So, lets learn it.

Love and stuff

It is 37 degrees today.

I feel rather lonely. Only to be expected in fact my counselor predicted as much. So far, I have refrained from throwing myself at the first guy who shows any interest and been a little more selective about whom I throw myself at. This method does not provide much instant gratification. So be it, that is what shopping for, isn't it? Maybe not, but I need a new vacuum cleaner, so shopping it will be.

I did Yoga today, it was awesome and just what I needed.

I have been enjoying my birthday indulgences, but I don't think I have gone too far. Banana cake is good!

Sigh, I do wish this leaving your husband business was simpler. You know, less emotional.

Oh yeah, I am independent. I can do what ever I want, it is just sometimes it is nice to be able to turn to someone else, someone you know wants you too, but I won't be making a compromise this time, I won't give up myself entirely just to stop the loneliness.

My goodness it is way too hot!

Planning ahead.

I have managed to eat really well almost everyday since my big shop and clean of the fridge.

but,

It is my birthday today and I have picnic with friends. Tomorrow I have a BBQ with my fathers side of the family and Sunday dinner with my mothers side of the family.

I don't think starving myself the rest of the day for each of these events is a wise plan, but I don't want to be watching what I eat either. I think I will just use some simple eating strategies at the events.

Firstly try a little of everything I want to try.

Secondly stop before I feel full, wait and see if I am still hungry. Perhaps drink more water. Drink lots of water.

Exercise has being pretty much on track as well, although today was a lazy jog instead of a hard core work out at the gym. I really liked getting outside again, breathing fresh air and enjoying the view. I ended up jogging today instead of the gym because I wanted to scout weston park for good picnic locations and the best way to do that is on foot, but walking is a bit slow, so I started jogging. I like being fit enough to do that.

My first time

As you try to work out what goes where and slowly place each piece it starts to dawn on you. Oh my god, I am really going to do this.

Then the adrenalin hits, as you reach the last piece, there won't be any excuses now. Now or never. The fears rush over you, what if I am crap, what if I don't have it, what if they laugh?

You pick up your sword and shield, then realise you need to put your lanyon from your sword on your wrist first. I hope no one was looking.

One deep breath and I am there. Throwing my swings wildly, putting way too much shoulder into every throw. Trying way too hard. First time nerves are showing.

I have zero defence, I receive several headshots, they don't hurt, but they do ring. I realise my shield moves too slowly to even try to stop the shots.

It doesn't matter, I was crap but it doesn't matter. I loved it every moment, being tired in a way I have never felt tired before. Hot and sweating, smiling, learning, moving, judging the other. Everything about it, fantastic, amazing. I don't ever remember feeling so pumped before.

My first time in armor was great.

New years

I had a great new years eve party. I really enjoyed myself, indulged and drank a lot. So instead of feeling good about my great night, I feel well kinda down. Hence my last post full of insecurity and feeling sorry for myself.

Trying to take care of myself again. Getting to bed at a reasonable hour, eating well and not sleeping in too much. Hopefully, I will be back to my go getter best any day now.